alittlefeisty: wish list.

Would just like to say a massive thankyou to everyone who has been reading my blog. It is becoming a great comfort to me and keeping my dormant brain somewhat active. I feel very humbled and proud to think my little blog is helping others. All the people from forums, who have been viewing - thankyou. x

Tonight has been bad night. Not necessarily because of what's going on in my brain right now.. or because I was having a low for no reason at all...there was a reason, I know the reason and the reason sucks. And, because mentally things aren't quite right at the moment, it just makes everything seem completely and utterly worse. I couldn't face sleeping in my old room at my parents again tonight. As much as I love my home comforts and being around the ones who love me most - the room was driving me crazy. It's the room I've been in since I was young...and coming back here, under these circumstances, sleeping in that bed - makes me so very sad. I know that will go in time, but for now - it's the way it is. Don't get me wrong. There is no better place in the world for me to be right now... but once you've had your own independence and lived away from home - coming back can often be a little tricky. Home IS a loving place. Home IS a loyal place. Home IS a happy place, but no matter how much love you are surrounded by - you can still feel incredibly lonely.

So instead of being in my room. I have made a lovely comfy bed for myself on one of the sofas downstairs. Unfortunately, I haven't been getting to sleep at night because my brain becomes absorbed with all things sad. So tonight, it's been recommended that I don't sleep...stay awake all day tomorrow, then hit the sack at a certain time and sleep tomorrow night. I guess it makes sense. It might sort my silly body clock out. I understand that people diagnosed with bipolar have to try and set 'bedtimes' and 'wakeup times' ...to help with everything. I will try and do this at some point. Promise!

My dearest mum, my best friend, my rock - has been amazing. I couldn't possibly look ahead if it wasn't for her. To anyone suffering.... let your family in, let them help and let them listen. Don't bottle it up. Never feel ashamed of who you are and how you are feeling. I am a complete hypocrite saying that... but I am learning.

So, something new to do.
This is to keep our dreams alive and futures full of positivity.

Write a wish list. This isn't some morbid 'bucket list' of things to do before you die, just to clear things up.

Yes, it's similar. But this is a wish list of the little & BIG things you want in life. From material to sentimental.
This is wish list to give you a focus and some determination.

Here's a few of mine;

Crisi's Wish List (not in any particular order)

1. Own a nice house, which is designed and styled exactly how I what it. A house full of creativity, family and fun. With a garden overwhelmed by pretty flowers and a well-loved tree swing in its rightful place. A hammock gently relaxing in the corner and a home - made tree house for my children.

2. Have a book published....once I start writing it.

3. Own a sausage dog (dachshund). My favourite dog breed. This little guy will rock my world.

4. Go to Africa and see giraffes in their natural home.

5. Raise lots of money for a charity close to my heart.

6. Own a performing arts club/school/academy for children.

7.Have babies and be an amazing mummy.

8. Go back to the french alps for a chalet holiday.

9. Learn how to play the piano.

10. Consider myself to be a could cook.

11. Throw myself into lots of volunteer work when possible.

12. Be hired as a professional photographer.

13. Meet Will Young. Yes, I know to you..the reader, this may seem a tad strange and a little sad. But for me, someone who has admired him for over ten years. To meet him would be insane. I would definitely need someone to translate my unrecognisable emotional face noise that comes out of my mouth if this were to ever happen. AND catch me if I faint...which is likely.