So,
I celebrated my 23rd birthday this weekend - Sunday to be exact.. It wasn't quite how I imagined. It was strange. I was incredibly happy to be with my family and felt truly loved by them the whole day. But, it was a day I wish I could have been happier on. It's just a birthday, I know - and as we get older birthdays do become less 'special'. You don't get that overwhelming bound of butterflies flying around in your tummy the night before and are not up as the sun rises to be greeted by presents. Don't get me wrong - I had presents & I am truly grateful to be such a lucky girl. It was just a weird day.
That aside, I did however have an amazing day on Saturday.Slightly bittersweet - but still inspiring to me.
Once upon a time, I fell head over heals for a singer. A gay singer. Will Young. Yes yes, I know - most of you won't understand the admiration I have for him, but it's an 11 year strong love & that is that. :)
Well, Mr Young is currently starring as the lead role in 'Cabaret' - in West End London. This is pretty big for me. As yet again, once upon a time - musical theatre played a huge part in my life - and is still held deep within my heart. On Saturday, I decided to pay a shit load of money to watch the show.
I cried.
I nearly died.
And I almost definitely nearly wet myself.
It was incredible. Not only seeing Mr Young right there, on stage, infront of me... but just being within the whole threatre atmosphere again was nothing other than perfect. I sat there, with tingles all over my body. A lump held tight in my throat... but this time, not a painful lump, not an 'about to burst into tears lump' - but a happy lump. I wanted to be on that stage. I wanted to feel the rush of excitement and nerves leap through my body again. I wanted to be blinded by the beaming lights and be covered head to toe in makeup & costume.
That was once my dream. To take my bow again and hear the applause.
Could things get better?
Yes.
I MET HIM. I met the person I had been wanting to meet for so long. Will Young.
To you, this may seem slightly bonkers. But to me, it was the best birthday present I have ever had.
I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. I had tears in my overly small eyes and it was very fast. But it happened.
I did manage to spew out some words & function semi-noramlly after a while. Unfortunately he goes for the 'no photos after shows' approach, but I did managed to get some dodgy ones. I got my autograph though. And that, I am happy with. He also wrote 'Who am I' for me. Which is my favourite song of his. This is also slightly mad - but that very writing I shall be having inked onto my body to join my ever growing tattoo collection.
It's still not really sinking in - what with every other emotion I am feeling right now. But I know, soon....it will.
Never give up on your dream
This would be the next step. The next step to becoming happy within your own skin. Don't give up on something you once loved. Even when life has taken it's toll. Remember your dream. Even if it takes a while.
I am not the best person to say this, fact. I lost every hope in...well everything. I give up far too easily. But someday soon, I know - I will be happy & be doing something I love.
I know lots of you have been following my steps - so here's another. In your scrap books - create a page titled 'MY DREAM'. Again, go through magazines - or anything you can get your hands on....and create your dream on the page. Never give up. Have your bad days, cry your hearts out - but never give up.
:)
Thankyou again to everyone who sent me birthday messages/cards/texts. You are all so lovely.
Also, thankyou yet again to everyone who has been so supportive and for all your kind words about my blog. It's helping me, so if it's helping others out there too - it's just a bonus. Keep smiling.
I am now about to do something that makes me feel sick and just writing this is making me shake. It's taken a bit of convincing to do this & alot of 'should I, shouldn't I' moments. It's been years since I sung in public - well years since I've sung properly full stop. Excuse my nerves. I know it's not perfect. Words seem to be failing me now. So, I'll just do it....
I know I look like a sack of shit..and excuse the poor recording.
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