Be happy.

Today has been strange...yet again.
The past few days have been extremely tearful and full of self-loathing. I have had amazing people surrounding me with love & support...which has helped a great deal, but it's still proving to be very VERY tough. Every so often, I suddenly forget all the work I have done building myself up to acceptance. I forget about the positive and in rushes the negative. This is lasting a very long time. Too long.

Today I have been attempting to block out all negativity. I can safely say, I didn't succeed. But did try my absolute hardest. I smile & the brave face is on show, but I can feel myself slipping back there. Falling back into the wrong mind set. I often wish it would suddenly change again...with lots of energy and passion for everything - like I've had in the past. But this 'state' is just not budging. Bring on 21st January so my treatment can start.

Tonight has been okay. I've been talking to a friend which managed to postpone all the dark thoughts in my head. It's often comforting talking to others with problems of their own. Not because we want to hear someone is having a tough time, but because it often helps sharing problems. I instinctively become a 'mother figure' & want to help others. I often find it hard to see my own future, but have so much belief in other people. We must have the strength to believe in ourselves though. No matter how hard the fight - we must not give up. Take your time, get away, lose yourself... but seek comfort in the fact that one day... you'll come back stronger than ever. Never lose sight of who you are and your purpose. Feeling hopeless is something we all feel - but it won't last forever. You will be okay & things will become easier.

"I don't believe that it's a failing,
 I don't believe that it's a fault,
 'Cos if everything were plain sailing,
 What would there be left to exalt"

x