Good Afternoon.

Good Afternoon,

I honestly can't believe it's nearly Christmas again. The years are going so fast & I just can't seem to hold on to them. When I was young, it seemed to take forever for the leaves to fall off the trees. It seemed to take the longest time until the countdown to school holidays would begin. Now, within the blink of an eye - a year goes past. I look back and find it hard to believe that this time last year, I was in my final weeks of work & was getting ready to then spend the next four months in the French Alps. How things change.

I often feel like I don't appreciate everyday of my life. Which is why, perhaps.. it seems to go so fast. Sometimes, I believe it's important to just sit back and be thankful for everything you have. Take each day as   a blessing. See every new day as an opportunity. It's hard, I know, when you find yourself in a bottomless pit of sadness, it's such effort to crawl back out - but it can and will be done - in time. Even if it's just thinking it. Building up happy, strong thoughts in your head. Maybe not showing it on the outside, but knowing in your head and heart - you can do it. Even if a smile doesn't exist on your face yet. Small steps.

Today I can't really explain how I feel. I guess it's kind of numb. I think maybe, realisation and acceptance is starting to kick in...I'm not sure I can even find the words. I know I just need to get better & then I can focus on everything in full colour again... It's just tough. It's hard to have inspiration sometimes. You can write down as many positive things as you like. Spend hours working on loving yourself & loving your life. But there will always be the days, where you just want to sit in your pjs & stare into nothingness. Don't get me wrong - I am feeling much better... a 'much better' to me right now, is probably far from a 'much better' to most people - but it's a start. I have my perky moments & I can feel myself coming back to life slowly.
This is the longest a 'depressive episode' has lasted. I think it's due to many things - not all the illness..but everything impacting it. Soon though, I will be able to control my mood swings - this excites me.

x