APOLOGIES FOR MISTAKES - I am dozy as hell.
I'm writing this from the comfort of bed with that 'I've just shaved my legs & moisturised' feel going on against the duvet. It's beautiful - of course, it's not a rare occasion. I am a goddess of all things beauty & pampering..... ehem.
I've had a mixed few weeks & today I received some more results from blood tests. Turns out it's probably my medication that's making me unwell & not certain foods. I am aware I have a small stomach & still have to eat little & often to control my tummy turns & bowel problems (NICE).... but I have mixed reactions to the results. Of course, without a doubt it's going to be much easier going back to eating 'allowed' food and especially better for my lovely parents who have been forking out to buy me the 'free from' ranges of absolute crap. Don't get me wrong, cutting out things from my diet helped - as it would anyone... but I was still left with hideous things happening! It's just now, I have the matter of having to tell my psychiatrist (who I am still slowly warming to) that it really is the medications making me feel like complete shit. Apparently it's common... apparently I am suppose to be thankful that mentally I am mending myself & to put up with the physical sickness. Similar to those of us having problems with weight gain. Yes, I would rather a healthier brain - but when you have severe self image issues putting up tents & camping through your body - its very hard to be happy about putting on the pounds - darn these stupid orange & pink pills. I know lots of people have the same problem.
So we'll see what happens medication wise.
I had a bit of breakdown whilst showering the other day. My hair was coming out by the handful. I grabbed my towel and ran out sobbing to my mum, who comforted me as always. She told me it was 'malting season' and reassured me that her hair comes out too.I just know it's another massive side effect of my pretty coloured crazy pills. Luckily my mother blessed me with thick hair!
On to lighter, fluffier & yummier things. The baking is back!!
It was on my goals list to get creative with all things scrumptious. SO here they are... let me introduce you to;
Chocolate Indulgence Cupcakes
and
Wonderful Whoop Ass Whoopie Pies
You could say I am possibly a genius in the kitchen! I really love it too. I urge anyone with a brain like mine, or even anyone who just wants to find peace of mind for a while to preheat their ovens & get cracking the eggs. Not only does it settle the storms raging within me but it gives me a sense of worth...knowing I am doing something worthwhile & for other people to enjoy.
So, I have now (under the instruction of my psych) started a proper mood diary & 'trap' chart. Below is a picture! The piece of paper on top is the quick example the p.doc drew for me!
I will be monitoring my moods using these seven headings..
1.Mood
2.Event
3.Change in mood
4.How I dealt with it
5.Short term effect
6.Long term effect
7.Alternation
We will be looking for patterns & ways of overcoming triggers! I will gradually learn how to handle certain situations by familiarising myself with alternations and gradually adjusting the way my brain works. Apparently this can be overwhelming, but my life is slowly and surely getting it's sunshine back - so bring it on! :)
People who I know personally have already seen this but I wanted to share my latest tattoo with all my awesome followers & readers. This is number 7 and I love it. Giraffes are my most favourite animal in the world & the message behind it means alot to me during this time!
I'm already wanting tattoo number 8 - to the excitment of my poor grandmother.
So, I am still massively into my photography & I have taken on a brand spanking new project. Unpaid & simply for me. To keep me sane HAHA. I am not going let anyone in on it...just yet! But I have been massively influenced by one of the greats & have already given it all my focus...pardon the pun.
I am aware I am whipping through these events like a tramp on a sandwich. I am pretty tired & my brain is wandering elsewhere. These past few days have been beautiful in the sun & I have been away from home staying with the bestie. It's kept my mind much more active & it's incredibly lovely acting like a silly child with someone all day. Tonight we went for an evening walk to the shop and bought a shit load of pick'n'mix. It's been sat in the shop for years & tastes like decorations that sit in the loft and come out once a year..but we can handle it.
This part always scares me where I post youtube videos. Another goal was to dust of the guitar and tune my pipes again... so I gave it a go. Please excuse the 'ropyness' of both aspects. Also probably best to listen with head phones...so you can actually pick up the guitar! :) If you are reading from a mobile device...the videos may not show!
I wish you all peaceful nights & restful days :)
Stand tall.
x
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