A few words.

Sometimes, there are no words to describe how you feel. Within the depths of your heart and soul there are thoughts, feelings and emotions running marathons - but sometimes, it is almost impossible to put them into typed up letters on a screen. The past few weeks have been a little up & down. I don't have much enthusiasm writing this & I was going to abandon the idea altogether, but then I suddenly remembered all the incredibly kind and wonderful people who have thanked me for writing in the past and found comfort in 'alittlefeisty'.  There is no shame in admitting things have not been as you would like. We are not defeated. It just gives us the opportunity to try again. Whether it be tomorrow, the next day, weeks or longer... there will be sunshine waiting somewhere. Sometimes, it's just believing in that that's the problem. Believe in yourself.

We often have to accept 'what is' in order to carry on, dust ourselves off, and begin again.

Acceptance and appreciation is the key.

So..

Hold close the people who love you for who you are..and are not afraid to show it.

Be kind to others, for you don't know what battles they may be facing.

Find the positive.

Be true to yourself.

Remember, there is always hope.

<3

Short post, I actually started this two days ago but words yet again fail me. Will be back in full force soon.

Happy New Year 2014

First things first..
Happy New Year. I honestly cannot believe 2014 has now arrived! Though in all honesty today doesn't feel any different to yesterday. I haven't suddenly started eating a heap load of fruit, taken myself down the gym or started to think overly positive. I am still the same! I worked my way through a bacon sandwich, haven't moved from bed all day & if anything I feel slightly miffed about the whole thing. I guess I have realised ...the year will be what I make of it. Yes, there is time to look back and reflect now on the highs and lows of the past.. but we cannot control our destiny. I may come up against more troubles in 2014, we may have to over come greater obstacles, face our fears and rise to the challenge. I don't want to toast to the year ahead with false hope, because even though (of course) I want it to be one of happiness, health & smiles..I am going to live for everyday, day by day...one step at a time. I accept it may not be perfect but I will learn from my past & thrive into the future the best I can.

I've sometimes thought it was a little cliche to write about the year gone by - but as I lay here, deep in thought & emotions running high..I figured maybe I should. This time 12 months ago I was yet to uncover more secrets into my soul. I was still so far from discovering who I am, my purpose, my meaning and my way in the world. Even though I still feel so far from peace & am a long way from where I want to be, each day has taught me something. Whether it be something massively huge & exciting, or small & insignificant to most...my roller coaster is one I do not regret purchasing a ticket for. It has made me...me! (Even though I don't like "me" sometimes!)

Of course, it goes without saying that I have been welcomed with open arms back home by my incredible family, who if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be as strong as I now am. But this year has been one about friends. My absolutely amazing friends, who I need everyday to help me beat the little crazies in my head. I don't have to see them all the time to know they are there, fighting in armour by my side. My beautiful girls, who I love dearly. Who accept me for me, look after me & guide me. Then the new friends I have made this year, who have allowed me in and made me smile. The friends who have been there in constant light, encouraging me & proving their support by showing it. To my old friends, the ones who have taken a back step but I know are still there, loving me unconditionally. My silver lining. <3


I have come away from 2013 with more diagnosis, a psychiatrist, psychologist, psychotherapist, a support worker & pretty coloured pills that make my wee smell, make me tired & make me put on weight. HUZZAH to that. However, in all seriousness & nomatter how exhausting everything is...I wouldn't have it any other way. Because this is my life & I have to do everything to make it as 'liveable' as possible. I could sit back, let it take hold & say BALLS to treatment (like I have so many times) but in reality we all know the key to success is working hard.
My deepest low in 2013 came in the shape of hospital... but my most wonderful achievement blew in with the October winds when I threw myself out of a plane for an awesome cause. I raised over £1000 for Mind the mental health charity doing a tandem skydive & to this day I still cannot believe I did it. I shall cherish that moment forever... even if I did look like a big purple acorn.

2013 came and went so fast, I won't go into every last detail. I ate far too much sugar, had way too many more tattoos & fell over on nights out a ridiculous amount of times. I have not played my guitar or sang as much as I had hoped, I have only shaved my legs on special occasions & have dyed my own hair again after promising I wouldn't! It has been a constant up & down battle of emotions...but I did it! I made it through :) I have learnt so much and will carry on to do so. I have learnt we cannot control the feelings and thoughts of others. I have learnt to only love those who respect & love me. I have learnt to let go of what isn't good & take hold of what is. I am still learning to trust and I am still learning to believe...but everyday is a day closer.

Who knows what 2014 has in store for me. Who knows what it has in store for you. Take each day as it comes, learn to accept and keep your head held high. Always remember "Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused."

Be your own hero :)
"Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason"