Look at me updating my blog - which has become somewhat of a rarity due to narcoleptic bouts of needing to fall asleep...I do not have narcolepsy, just to clear things up. I have also been lacking enthusiasm, passion & a brain in general - but I'm led to believe that's pretty normal on Depakote. I'm a slurring bubble of confusion most of the time now - but hey, I'm still awesome right? Of course I want to update my loyal & wonderful readers...& I do still feel like 'alittlefeisty' undoubtedly helps me. However, this is my main reason for this evenings post;
This is what I came away with from the Mental Health Clinic the other day...
Which I don't mind at all. I am lucky to be seeing an awesome person with equally awesome handwriting (ehem).... and these are my goals for the next few weeks.
(just to confirm, this isn't serpent snake psychiatrist we are talking about - though my next appointment with him is slowly slithering forward)
As you can see 'update blog' was high on the list.... I know I have let myself slip a little! The past few weeks feel like they have been written in a useless faint HB pencil, smudged & rubbed out - without energy or the urge to start over more boldly. What I mean is...everything is just a little blurry, shaded & colourless. I hope my canvas is soon splattered with throws of vibrant paint again. Powerful positive imprints that remain! It's almost as if I am like a ship trapped inside it's possessive bottle; I know my importance, I know my capabilities & I know my journey needs to be voyaged further - but thus far, pieces of me are still confined.
SO booking a GP appointment was fairly straight forward...and I was sent for blood tests! Infact this afternoon was a fabulous day out on the NHS. Sarcasm at it's finest. Hospitals don't necessarily scare me, but they obviously (of course) aren't the nicest place to be. Atleast this time - I remember my actual arrival through the front doors ;) So a little vampire needle sucked my blood as I stared blankly at the old guy in the cubical opposite - knowing full well I would have to get used to this sort of thing - being on the 'crazies' drugs! Short & sharp and it was done. I was disappointed I didn't receive a sticker or a lolly pop...or some sort of reward for being a brave girl! Instead, I wandered out, found my mum & we made our way to xray!
I waited 45mins.... sitting in an attractive hospital gown, before my chest was pressed against some yucky looking machine. I'm pretty sure I turned heads by how stunning I looked. Handsome doctors were practically falling over my feet...
Can't say I enjoyed the experience... but I'm having some 'complications' with medications... so it's better to be safe than sorry! And even though I am trying to keep a humour to this post - today hasn't been a great one within the mind - but I'm still going! I'll be back to the hospital within a few weeks for more tests & things - so I've exchanged numbers with every single fit doctor in the building - so they can prepare themselves before seeing me again. Breath spray, neat hair etc.
Oh look! 'Try not to sleep during the day' has made an appearance on the list. Without sounding like a dreadfully lazy person... it's proving to be extremely hard. My body feels almost bruised with tiredness sometimes. It's around 3pm that I start to feel myself go. Just to confirm - I am on horrific sedating meds people. It's mind numbingly sad to really not feel in control - but I am doing my best! Night times my body is still overwhelmed with loneliness & it's at that point I find it hard to drift off. Patterns & routines are all over the place somewhat, even though everyday I aim to improve them. My weight is yoyoing through gym days, non gyms days, fruit days & 'fill up my belly now' days. I'll get there in the end! Going to the gym has proven to be helpful with structure & given me a reason to move on days where everything is an effort.... Even though I become tired very easily & look like a damn mess upon leaving - and arriving for that matter!
Referring back to the list...my photography is still getting alot of interest & I have a few things lined up in the way of work :) Which is truly brilliant. I have been doing a course since last year, but what with everything that's been happening... sticking to it regularly was a little tricky! Gradually I'll get back into it though & start snapping away for my website! Which happens to be.... www.crisijaynephotography.co.uk
As I have built up a beautiful amount of readers, followers & google+ers... I'd just like to share the company that designed and built my site www.mkt-e.com - check them out if you are in need of awesome prices & quality results.
The people who continue to be amazing are still being amazing. Having my sister home from University has allowed our family to have some real quality time together & I feel much more stable when she is here. My family are undeniably incredible & as someone recently told me...I am 'blessed'. My mother is being strong & brave for us all. Neither my sister or I would have half the strength we have... without her.
I have been socialising alot more, which is great...and am thankful to the friends who love me for me! :)
Well, my brain has decided to give up. I will try & update more regularly ...so I remember things that have happened! Keep smiling all.... and believe in better days ahead! x
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