And as if by fate...

"Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?"

Before I write, to make what I am about to say make sense.. I just want to give you some background information... Many of my friends & family who read my blog will already know this - but to my incredible readers who I do not personally know..it may be helpful. From the age of about 13, I was completely spellbound by musical theatre & performing arts. I was transfixed. I definitely wasn't the annoying kid with pushy parents. I wasn't signed up to every agency & I didn't feel the need to perform at every get together. I just loved it with everything I had, quietly & genuinely. With the twists & turns of my life and mind... I slipped further away from my dreams. I couldn't focus. Nothing was the same & everything changed. The girl who's smile would be found on the stage fell down a rabbit hole of confusion ...and once that confidence was lost..it never fully surfaced again. The magic was still there but the belief was gone.

As I sat down yesterday, surrounded by the sights & sounds of Kings College Hospital London, I nestled my backside into the bench, tucked my legs up & crossed them safely. Enclosed and snuggled in my over-sized bag lay the book I had brought along for 'reading', but with the potential to spend the afternoon improving my ever-growing 'people watching' skills - it was obvious the book was going to remain buried under all the other useless junk.

The 'people watching' talents I proudly possess have been passed down by my Grandmother, who we often find captivated in other peoples conversations, regularly edging closer to the point of no return...and joining in..something we all love her for greatly. My Grandma was the reason behind yesterdays visit & I was happy to be there whilst she met with a surgeon, - who she later referred to as being 'hunky'. Families stick together.

So whilst I battled between the continuous decision of either reading, pretending to be on my phone or gaze intensely at the various comings & goings of hospital life... a young man sat down opposite me.

I briefly looked up & noticed the man was wearing some sort of hospital clothing. I don't mean the sort you are given that strips you of all your dignity, shows your bum & leaves you feeling like a worthless bottomless pit of shit when you put it on.... I mean work clothes. He worked there! 

I scrolled through my phone - social networking & texting friends & thought nothing of the young Chinese man. It took me about 10 minutes to realise he was awkwardly moving his body closer to me & then hesitantly bringing himself back. His fidgeting didn't unnerve me but I carried on looking down at my phone. 

Then, something completely unexpected happened. A friendly voice encouraged me to look up & take notice. 

"Excuse me, are you an artist?"

 It was only then, through speech & actually noticing his welcoming smile, did it come to my attention the young man had special needs. He looked at me thoughtfully, whilst tilting his head but was unable to keep eye contact. His face was kind & I immediately warmed to him. For a second I didn't take in the question being asked. I was slightly confused but at the same time, drawn to this stranger. "No" I replied with a shy giggle. He almost looked dissapointed. "Why?" I asked...still intrigued & now tilting my head to one side with a smile. He went on to ask if I was an artist in any way & what I did as a profession. Again, I was baffled by the question & I didn't think completely straight. I told him I was a very creative person. I loved to paint but didn't do it professionally & as I am currently not working...I have been enjoying photography & have a few professional jobs lined up. All this came out in a big blur of slurred rubbish...

He grinned cheekily & tapped his forehead... "Thought so". 

He went on to tell me that he was born with a sixth sense. This wonderful man, who couldn't have been much older than me, explained how he had the ability to see someones strengths & talents. He was able to see the positives of someones future. He told me that he had been looking at my chin & was able to tell I was an artist. I was still thrown by the word 'artist' - I studied art yes, & really am a very creative person... but to give myself that title wouldn't feel right...

Until..

He looked at me meticulously & deeply. With another comforting smile, he went on to talk about performing. He spoke with fondness about performers & being on the stage. As if he knew...

He could tell it was my passion & in the darkest depths of my heart...is the only thing I've truly wanted to do. A complete stranger. A face I had never seen before. An unlikely person.. was sat there telling me I was an artist. A performing artist. He shared his thoughts with me. I couldn't believe it. This turn of fate. For at my lowest & during this testing time of confidence, I had been in the right place at the right time to be told...I was believed in. His words meant a thousand things. He insisted I would do well and great things were to come.

Could this mean, maybe..one day...Crisi will be back!?

"But I will hold on hope & I won't let you choke on the noose around your neck. And I'll find strength in pain and I will change my ways. I'll know my name as it's called again. Cause I need freedom now and I need to know how, to live my life as it's meant to be"

Keep smiling readers...be bold, be strong & believe.

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