Inspirational?

I really do just want to say a massive thankyou (again) for everyone's beautiful and kind messages. Saying my blog is 'inspirational' is truly something amazing for me to hear, so thankyou. I never intended it to be that way. For me, it was just a way of release. A way to come to terms with life throwing lemons at me. I didn't really expect anybody to read it. It was more like an online diary - that people might stumble upon and if so, could read it! It's given me great comfort knowing that it's given alot of people something to smile about.
I shall never forget all your lovely words and shall remember them in my hours of darkness. Even when it's a day that is best forgotten - recieving compliments always makes me smile.  I guess many people still can't get their heads around me blogging about something so personal and perhaps think I was seeking some sort of attention or wanting pity. I'm afraid to let you down folks...but that's far from the truth. I was told to only blog about something worthwhile - or it won't ever mean anything. This is my life. What could mean more?
I wouldn't wish this on anyone...what my brain does & at my lowest I do feel sorry for myself, because quite frankly it sucks! But atleast I'm bloody doing something about it & turning it into something positive with a blog that is helping others. Writing gets be through the days... and I'd much rather be striping myself bare for the world to read - than bottling it up to the point of self-combustion like I've done in the past. Councillors & therapists listen yes,... but to anyone who has ever been to a session - you'll know how utterly SHIT it is.

Tomorrow I am going to London with my beautiful family. My sister is currently at Uni there and we are all off to see her. My sister, is possibly the most stunning little shit you have ever met. We drive eachother crazy and annoy eachother to death but are without a doubt the best of friends. We are very different but love eachother with all our hearts. Well, I hope so Emma!? She is my baby and my pride just grows more & more everyday for her. I dislike her though when she chases me. She is pretty damn scary sometimes. Love you Miff, can't wait for 'togetherness' tomorrow.

I am very excited to use my new camera tomorrow! I believe we all need a passion - an outlet. Something to escape to, when ordinary life begins to take it's toll. Everyone must have something. Whether it's photography, playing an instrument or riding a bike! We must do something in which we truly enjoy in life..to be happy. 

So this is the next step in 'falling in love with yourself'' .... find a hobby!

If you already have one - be thankful, throw yourself into it whenever you can. Enjoy it and be proud to have found something you have so much passion for. Try new things, take risks, learn. 

There's never a limit to the amount of creative outlets you can have! Keep exploring!

Once you've found something you love... you'll soon start accepting that you are WONDERFUL.

Not only will it take your mind off everyday stresses & worries - it will bring out your beautiful personality. It will bring stability and positive thoughts.

Sometimes it can be hard to actually find the motivation to do something and stick at it. Just do your best. Take your time. Even if it's been a day from hell - just think about. Even if you think about it for months and months, tell yourself...that one day you WILL.

Begin to overcome a feeling of 'worthlessness' - become amazing in your own right!

Not a manic moment.

So today, I bought myself this. 

 

I am now lacking in funds - but this is normal. 

May I add this was not a manic moment. This was a Crisi 'fuck it, I'm just going to do it' kind of moment!

Excuse my language. 

I figured, I may aswell just buy it - after wanting one for so long now.

I can now start my online photography course, whilst I am unfortunately unable to work. 

SO, today has been a better day. A better day in my books anyway. Though I am still feeling pretty bitter about my birthday next week. If only it could have been my 'special day' when all was well. Guess it's just another thing I have to accept.

 I'm starting to look forward now. I'm starting to realise, I'm still young & even though I've had my fair share of set backs, I CAN move forward and I can take control & be happy. Of course, suddenly - BAM I'll suddenly feel overwhelmed with sadness and hopelessness.... but there will always be a better day for every bad one I have. 

Dinners ready...

Maybe I'll be back later!

x