A better day.

It's true, writing really does help. Today has been much more positive. AND hurrah, I haven't cried today...yet ;) The lump is still lodged tight in my throat, along with the sadness but I have not given in to the tears. I've decided to take my blog a little more seriously. Of course, when I'm steady away and under control - I'll be back to my stupid amusing stories. For now though, I would like this blog to be some sort of comfort. I've now read many inspirational blogs about Bipolar Disorder. From the deep dark lows of the illness, to the manic highs. I've had an overwhelming amount of views from all over the world on my blog and would like to keep that going.

I'm currently living back at home with my family. I am so lucky to have the constant love from my mother, who is here 24/7 to get me back on track. Coming home was almost like admitting defeat. But I guess sometimes you have to admit defeat before you can work towards making it better! I'm currently waiting for everything 'medical' to be transferred from up north...to back here down south! It's sometimes hard to see that this is the best place for me. I am truly grateful to have the incredible support from all my family, but it's just so frustrating having to change my life yet again. Being in the north, was a breath of fresh air. I finally felt part of something. I felt that everything was worth while and things were looking up. But, nothing is rainbows and butterflies it seems in this world.

All I want is a normal life. With a normal relationship. Normal holidays and normal work days. I want to experience everyday smiling, knowing that the next's days thoughts and feelings are in my control. I want to go to bed at night and not have to worry who I'll upset tomorrow or what's going to make me angry for no reason. I want to sleep tight in the arms of someone who isn't worried about what state I'll be in when I wake up.

It really is such a strange feeling and so very hard to understand just what my brain is doing. I have so many ambitions in life, which I often lose sight of but I will succeed. I have so much love to give and so much passion and creativity to let free

....which I will.

I thought I would end this post differently.

I guess we always knew I was a bit different....

  Happy days!