Hey people!
So it's the season of bonfires & fireworks. HURRAH I hear you say! Pretty colours in the sky and people gathered in fields eating toffee apples and pretending they are not cold. But, for someone who is afraid of fire - November 5th is not a cool time of year. Don't get me wrong, fireworks are alright! Except for the whole banging thing. Them extra loud ones seem to have this weird effect on me....where I just want to shit my pants. I can see the appeal of putting three pairs of socks on, your favourite welly boots and wrapping yourself up to look like the abominable snowman - it's cosy, yeah. I can even see the appeal of stuffing your face to the point of no return on burger van typed delicacies - it's yummy. But standing next to a massive friggin' fire DOES NOT float my dingy boat. I don't even like going to a restaurant and candles being on the table. I'm pretty sure I was Joan of Arc in a past life. Being burnt at the stake was nor cool or funny.
SO yesterday. This weird thing happened to me. I've been told I've done it before - but when highly intoxicated on some sort of happening involving alcohol - but I don't remember doing it. My mother will probably let me know I done it as a baby too - which obviously I don't remember either, because I'm not super-human, even though sometimes - I really think I am! Basically I projectile vomited.
I know you probably don't want to hear about my VOMCANO, but it was the weirdest thing ever. It's seriously like a waterfall coming out your mouth...with a few bits of un-digested food thrown in.
I wasn't even ill. I did have slightly too much vodka the night before, but I think it was more the fact that I had a tea with 5 sugars and a giant size minty aero chocolate bar for breakfast. I must stick to cereal and toast in the future. It's like someone is sat in your tummy with a water pistol aimed at your throat.
Now for something a little less vomtastic. But still, very important. It's something that has been bothering me for a while..well atleast every morning after the night before. It's a regular occurrence which happens to pretty much everyone. Why is it, that after a night out - you discover copious amounts of marks on your body that shouldn't be there!? I'm talking cuts, scrapes, bruises etc..
To be completely fair, if you've drunk too much and are incapable of holding your body in a decent position and fall arse over tit because you lack in not knowing when to stop - it's obvious you're gonna wake up to some sort of mishap! But why is it...that even when you are 100% certain you didn't make a fool of yourself, trip and fall on your schnoz or get your heel caught at an awkward angle and fall like a sack of shit - do you still awake to find a graze!? Life can be so cruel.
Tomorrow, I have the day off work. So I shall probably spend a good few hours watching sausage dogs ride skateboards on youtube and then move on to something more taxing - like eating my body weight in custard creams. I may even have a biscuit tea dunking challenge. In the blue corner the perfectly formed, people pleaser, creamy delight CUSTAAAAARD CREEEEAM. In the red corner the ultimate chocolate yummyness CHOCOLATE BOURBON.
Note to self; I must get out more.
Well that's me done for now, I decided to have a guitar playing session this afternoon which has led to sore fingers and because I whack my laptop keys so stupidly hard, it's becoming really rather painful.
x
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