the good things.

Today I woke up and wasn't really too sure how I felt. I guess, it was just numb. I still have all my mixed feelings and frustrations stuck, glued and molded to my brain. I still don't feel myself. My heart is aching & my concentration levels on anything other than my laptop are beyond low. I find myself having staring competitions with the copious amounts of soft toys in my room. I wonder if they come to life once I leave the room...and talk about how much I am scaring them with my constant eye contact. To me, it's a daydream..a zombie stare of nothingness... but to my poor teddies, it must quite terrifying. I am aware I am nearly 23 and still have childish things, but my Mary Poppins doll is definitely cool.

It's a weird day. We are currently waiting for a phone call from my councillor up north - who will be transferring everything 'medical wise' down south. We are all praying the process doesn't take too long. The sooner the better. I can then start focusing on starting a new, happier life.

In a previous post, I blogged about a diary I was making, to help with everything. I hope those of you reading my blog who are going through similar things found this helpful. So, after all the compliment and 'nice things people say' about you pages... here is the next step.

Title the page - Good things about my life.
I think the rest is self explanatory....
Here is mine;

1. My family.
I have the most amazing family and am so lucky to be surrounded with support. Each and every person has unconditional love for me. Through all my crazy decisions and my lowest moments, they stand by me.

2. The other people who love me.
This is slightly vague, I know. People come & go and friends change...and even though I often feel alone..deep down I know, I am loved.

3. My health.

Granted, my mental health may be a little wonky right now. But physically - I am fine!

SO since doing my blog, we have heard from my councillor...and it looks like the process will take even longer now. I am angry and upset. Yet again, I will have to sit infront of more doctors. I came down south to get better, now it's just more complicated & more crap for me to go through. As much as I want to be strong, this just feels like another set back right now. I will get through this. No-matter how long it takes. I want my life back.

Carrying on with Good things about my life;

4. My memories

Sometimes, the best memories are the ones that make you sad - because that's all they are, a memory. Change has kicked you in the shins and turned everything you once loved into something of the past. But I am now learning to grow from my memories. Hold them dear in my heart and be thankful that they happened at all. Then, in turn, we can make new ones.

Obviously, some memories are kept personal to me...

and have no reason to be shown publicly in pictures :)

5. My creativity.

I thank the stars above that I was lucky enough to be born with a creative mind. Life would be so boring without a creative mess of music,painting,writing and imagination. 

6. My future.

It will be positive and successful. Jam packed with smiles,laughter,love and happiness.  

x