Boxing Day

Currently sat in my new 'onsie' - totally rocking the oversized baby look. It is pretty comfortable though! I have extremely short legs, so the bottom half of my body (especially the feet)  looks very large and clown like drowning my little tootsies. But still - I like it!

So it's Boxing Day! Yet another Christmas Day has flown by!
Yesterday, I woke up - unsure whether I was still drunk or hungover. I went with 'still drunk' & decided to wake the house up by shouting 'It's Christmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas' - through my croaky, dry, "I did alot of shouting/singing last night" voice. My feet were aching from the non-stop dancing Christmas Eve. I remember throwing some awesome shapes on that dance floor.  It was an odd moment though. I know as we get older, things change. But I miss Christmas as a child. Instead of waking up in the early hours with that nervous overly excited bounce of butterflies in my tummy - I woke up with a sicky "I drunk too much vodka" last night feeling. Instead of leaping into my Grandparents room & singing christmas songs in bed until our parents gave us the all clear to make our way downstairs - I took my makeup off from the night before & sipped water reluctantly.

The hangover soon budged as the morning went on... and we had a lovely day.
I did have a funny turn in the evening. I took myself off to my bedroom & had a cry. I don't know what it was. A chunk of everything all rolled into one I guess. I felt a fair bit of pressure on Christmas Day to be happy. Don't get me wrong. I was & I love being with my family at this time of year. I was just worried I would suddenly feel the lump in my throat return. To my horror, of course, it did. But I controlled myself and managed to sleep.

I'm not too sure how I feel today. If someone were to push me I would fall perhaps... rather than stand and face the threat. I feel a little vulnerable & lost. I can't help but think back to this time last year... when even though the underneath was dark & clouded, on the surface I was excited & revived. I was positive and looking forward to a new adventure. I know, there may be something just around the corner for me & this new year should be one for me to focus on... but I'm still finding it somewhat difficult making my way through this very moment. I want nothing more than to be a secure, happy, balanced person. But trying to find that whilst going through the pain of losing what once was mine, my life & indepedance - is horribly hard.

I hope everyone had a brilliant Christmas Day & enjoyed the festivities...and if not, may next year be your time to shine. :)

Be happy.
x